Never Split The Difference

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I was thinking of reading our next book for some time. It was in fact sitting in my bookcase for a couple of years. I did pick it up finally and I wanted to share this with all of you.

Enjoy!

As usual, if you pick up the book, read it and want to give me feedback, please reach out.

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

"Never Split the difference" is an outstanding book on how to negotiate, written by Mr. Chriss Voss an ex-FBI agent. Having read a few books on negotiation, this is quite clearly the best. Mr. Voss is well qualified to write such a book given that he has negotiated over release of hostages in several parts of the world and on the other side his involvement with academic institutions such as Harvard.

Fundamental message of Mr. Voss is that human beings are emotional and irrational. Decision making is at the end of the say an emotional decision. The historical theories on negotiations are built on human beings being rational and both sides developing "win-win" solutions. However, in a hostage crisis, it may not be possible to have a win-win outcome. And therefore, the title of the book -- never split the difference.

Mr. Voss's negotiation approach is roughly as follows:
1. Listen to the other party carefully. Mr. Voss believes that people wish to be understood and accepted and listening is the best way to do that.
2. The second thing that he emphasizes is to spot the emotion in the other party, summarize/ paraphrase what the other person is saying. Summarizing may not be by accepting what the other person is saying but by "labelling it". This way the counter party feels safe, understood and develops trust. This makes the other person more open to ideas.
3. People like autonomy and control. Allowing them to say no is often a great way to understand their reservations and gives them the feeling that they are in control. Understanding their resistance can open things.
4. Watch out for the phrase "That's right". Human beings like to be understood and positively affirmed. Once that happens, it is possible to get a positive breakthrough.
5. Importance of asking calibration questions by using words such as "What/ When/ How/ Who". As the author says, this a way of saying no, without saying no and giving the other person the illusion of control.
6. Importance of the parties feeling that they have been accorded "Fair Treatment"
7. Anchoring proposals to get the desired outcome.

At the end, the author emphasizes the importance of self-control and emotional regulation and using the same tools that are needed in any relationship of understanding the other party, building trust and rapport, making the other party feel our empathy and then getting them to do things that we want them to do.

The real life examples make this a fun and engaging book to read. It is well written and easy to read. I give it my highest recommendation.

Chris Voss  A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. Voss has taught for many business schools, including the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business, Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, Harvard University, MIT’s Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, among others.

Tahl Raz is a storyteller of big ideas in business, technology and the social sciences that are transforming the way we work and live. An award-winning journalist and best-selling author, he has edited and published everything in everything from Inc. Magazine and GQ to Harvard Business Review and the Jerusalem Post. Management guru Tom Peters called his first co-authored book, “Never Eat Alone,” one of “the most extraordinary and valuable business books” of recent history. The book is still in hardcover over a decade later and is now used as a textbook in MBA programs around the world. He has held roles as a Chief Content Officer, CEO of an online education company called MyGreenLight, and founder and editor-in-chief of Jewcy Media. He lives in New York City with his wife, daughter, and a very fat Pug named Bibi.

– Sylvie Edwards  

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